Failed Lately? 4 Tips to Brush Your Shoulders Off

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By: Barbara Iuliano

Suddenly you feel ‘the pull’, the one that hunts your psyche so strongly that you can’t push it away until you act upon it. Then, you get so fed up of your own repeating messages that you decided to take action and leap into the unknown. The excitement starts boiling, the challenge seems fiery, and the synchronicity starts matching up. Due to this, you push and you push. When you get closer to the now known purpose rooted deep within you – you fail.

Whether you fail at a relationship, new business venture, school competition, or any other undertaking what truly matters is that it was something that you really wanted and the feeling is devastating. It is inevitable that failure will persistently present itself throughout our lifetime. Unfortunately, at a first glance it will never not suck. This is mainly because to take one from Steve Jobs, you can only connect the dots looking backwards and right at the moment of failure backwards is simply encumbering.

We look at failure as the catastrophic end but there is another spectrum of the prism that gives us many other of its colors. Failure oftentimes means new lessons learned that propel us into new possibilities. However, I know that it can be exceedingly difficult. Here are 3 tips to brush your shoulders off after you fail.

  1. Look at The Horizon  

Like I said before the preceding dots after failure are a burdening reality so why not try to look ahead through the optimistic lens. Although not the easiest task to accept, make a list of any positive reaction stemming from failure. For example, if you lost a school competition your list may look something like this:

  • I spent a lot of time writing for it this and I became a confident writer which is an essential skill for my future
  • I feel more comfortable speaking in front of a judge now that I faced my initial fear
  • I met the marketing director of my school and established a good relationship so I can ask for a letter of recommendation in the future
  • I made really great friends from all over the country and had a lot of fun
  1. Embrace Your Emotions

Whatever you do, don’t hide what you feel. Emotions are a typical part of the human experience and being sad, angry, or overwhelmed are all normal. Hiding them by saying you are ok only makes everything worst. Self-honesty will get you through life one hundred times better than self-denial. Always remember that emotions are emotions and they come and go so don’t hang on to them for too long. Feel them out and let them go.


  1. You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

Here lies a huge difference amongst those who fail and succeed and the ones who fail to succeed. I dare you to ask anyone you know who’s had success and ask them if they have ever failed. You’d be surprised that almost everyone fails. So keep in mind that even though you may think you know everything through your times of hardship, you don’t. You know what you know and what you can see, you may even know something you don’t know much about, but you truly don’t know what you don’t know.

  1. Coaches Are Your Allies

Allies are pivotal in the success of any battle. Entering into alliance with an individual that is trained in helping you get from where you are now to where you’d like to be is critical. A coach will help you unveil the perspectives that you can’t, work through your emotions, and help you develop achievable plans regardless of your circumstances. Don’t be afraid to get help!

This is the one thing I want to pass on with this, behind every success there is a failure or two. Think of all the things you have accomplished in your life and all the struggles that you’ve encountered on the way. Most of the time the so-called end is only the beginning, so never stop pushing.


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Barbara Iuliano is a certified life & confidence coach, currently studying Mind-Body Transformational Psychology at the Southwest Institute of Healing Arts. As the founder of her coaching practice Starland Coaching, Barbara empowers women like herself to lead the lives they always dreamed of but never thought possible. To download her free Confidence Ebook visit:

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